Father’s Day Predicaments

It is June the 20^th, and as usual, kind messages are sent to fathers around the world, wishing them a Happy Father’s Day. In reality, it is just like any other day, making it a special moment, to say to someone who had been there for you, that you sincerely appreciate what they have done for you. Whether you are said to have masculine or feminine behaviors, personality or approach, in order to resolve an issue, it does not matter.

What does become important is that, you were there for your children when they were growing up, being part and parcel of their life experiences too. Don’t worry, the records of your achievements may not bring “Best Father of The Year Award’ but if you had been a good provider for the family, you are already a champ.

Sharing notes about parenthood becomes a touchy subject, hilarious at times, and even dramatizing. You laugh, in the moments recalling what your child had done. You anguish the moments you had to be firm and did not spare the rod (this does not work in some countries as you may end up in prison or your child being taken away). You are saddened that you were not able to stretch out extra cash for the things they asked, but you managed to ensure that they had at least three meals a day.

When things were possible financially, you tried your very best to make family trips to somewhere more affordable, crashing out in one hotel room, so that you can use the extra cash to let them enjoy the expensive theme-parks they have been asking for such a long time. You had restless nights, thinking about their future, whilst your children sleep well.

Some have pre-planned extended hopes for the children to finish what they were not able to accomplish, especially in education. This unfortunate pressure befalls to generation after generation. Like a mini-plague, it overwhelms them to ensure the children make the grades. Parents wisdom is too commonly addressed by well-paid and recognized professions like an engineer, lawyer or a doctor.

It sometimes becomes part of the family honor. If you come from a family business background, the children are expected to take over the business, no matter what they had studied for. Breaking away from this norm, gives the family a leeway, but not exactly the satisfaction and fulfilment they had hoped for.

Parenthood is a thin line between happiness, challenges and insanity.
Maximus @ MaximusPrimo.com

As age catches up, parents start pining for their children, especially when they are away for studies or employed somewhere further from home. The ‘little birds’ starting to leave the nest, and parents wonder, what is now left for them to foresee. Every other moment, parents seem to think not about themselves, but again, for their grown children. If they are doing well and fine, its contentment. If they are having issues, its added worries again.

Parents, as it seems, are trapped in a time loop, until their end of life, to either be continuously happy, sad, worry, disappointed or even depressed. Their insecurity becomes worst, at later point of time, if they do not have any source of income and lack of savings, as they had used up all they had, for the welfare of their children.

In the later part of their life, after retirement, they ponder what is going to happen to them. Are the children, who hardly ask about their well-being, going to put some cash in their coffer for their monthly expenses? Are their children going to share responsibilities in taking care of them, in case they fall ill? Will they end up at elderly care-home and having visitation once a while? Will they be paying from their existing pension fund, if any, for the care-home? Can their children help, should they be short of funds? Will the children make time to visit them in near future, whenever possible? These and many more questions run in the minds of parents, on any normal day.

Many generations ago, when internet and smart-phones were not available, parents looked forward for the mailman to bring letters, that would have been written once a blue moon by their thoughtful children. They kept reading it again and again, whilst waiting for the next letter to arrive.

When telephone calls were made more accessible, but still remained expensive, they saved every penny to make the long-distance call, just to listen to the voice of their children, even for a few minutes. Today, with the availability of smart phones, call plans become nearly free, parents keep wondering, why their children seem to have so much time to run about doing their business, but do not have a moment of time, to call them.

If you are one of those parents who are well versed using social apps, you may have tried to access them, just to keep up with your children. Not surprisingly, you will be blocked from your ‘friend-request’, as in the mind of your children, you are stalking them. The unneeded obsession within parenthood, will start kicking in automatically. It is your natural sense, of being utterly concerned for the well-being of your children. Unfortunately, it will be misinterpreted by them, however good your intentions were.

Parenthood is inheritance to the next generation.
Maximus @ MaximusPrimo.com

The sense of attachment, care and concern is depleting intensively under the term of ‘being really busy’. You may ask them to call you back when they are free, but be ready, not to hear from them, even months later. Not surprisingly, your phone will ring, and message keeps popping if you don’t pick up, when they are in need of something. Ask them for some general information, and it will take ages before they reply, even after you had reminded them a few occasions.

That’s the irony, whilst being the current reality of life for these new generation. Everyone is just too busy with their own life, that they cannot justify the reason to call someone, unless if there is an importance for their personal gain. The current ‘self-centered lifestyle’ is infectious, more than the normal plague. This is why, woke culture becomes more impactful to the bearer of brunt, as it emphasizes the self-centered need; “ I want, what I want, the way I want it, and nothing else matters ”.

To all fathers around the world, be happy with yourself, if that is possible for you. This goes to all others too, non-binary or whomever you call yourself. The logic to parenthood is simple yet challenging. Take the smallest thing that you can remember, that makes you happy, and keep that in your mind. That is your ‘happy place’ when it relates to your family.

Don’t expect anything further, as then, you are living with false expectations, and this will slowly drain all your existing energy, that you could have used for your well-being. Let the ‘birds fly freely’, as they will find their own home-base, at some point of time. You will be leaving this life-form, telling yourself, that they will all be well and fine. Do not hold grudges. It is pointless.